当前位置: 首页 > 美国留学 > 专家解析 >


海高学院 2016-04-18 15:59:00 | 点击:208


  1. 思维方式的差异

  比如说:西方人喜欢开门见山,最重要的先说,是直线思维的方式(Linear Thinking Mode),而我们中国人习惯迂回表达,最重要的放在最后说,是一种曲线思维方式 (Curvilinear Thinking Mode)。

  例:In one landscaping design competition, I came torealize that the good designer did not only highly value people’s aestheticdemand for variety and originality but also emphasized on the rationality andfunctional features to adjust measures to the local conditions. I once engagedin a demanding renovation project, trying to design a huge, dirty garbagemountain near the 4th Ring Road in Beijing into a functional park. The garbagemountain has slopes with grades over 60 degree. The tough issue in front of uswas how to design the proper routes in the garden to ensure tourists’ security.In one group discussion, I put forward that we may design the twisting hillsideroads around the steep garbage mountain to reduce the climbing difficulty. Alsotaking account of the variety and richness of the activities in the garden, wemade three unique and human-centered park routes for driving all-terrainvehicles, riding bicycles and hiking. At the crossing point of three differentroads, we planned to build the overpass to ensure the safety of tourists andmaximum of the space. (中国人往往喜欢将划线段落放在最后一段来总结。但是招生官阅读文章的时间很短,首段或段首的表达尤其需要注意。这个规律同样可以在TOFEL和GRE作文范文中直观体现到。)

  The realm of finance is where my overwhelming interestlies and my long-cherished aspiration establishes. I could not forget myconfusions or surprises when racking my brain for days, figuring out thestrategies to make use of the ups and downs of stock market either in ”TraderCup” Investment Simulation Competition or in China Galaxy Securities CompanyLtd. I could not forget my excitement and fulfillment when using my financialknowledge to handle the difficulties I encountered in People’s Bank of China,Yanjiao Branch. I could not forget my ardent yearning to be fostered in yourpractice-oriented Finance program that is well tailored to me when visitingyour websites. All these feelings direct me to keep stride forward on the roadof finance and fulfill myself in the investment risk and risk control one day.(开篇第一段。目的明确坚定。因为会计研究生项目的实践性很强,很多申请者都是为了更好的就业,所以,开门见山提目标很值得借鉴。(注:李同学UIUC金融研究生录取。我还清楚地记得学生结束面试后第一时间打电话告诉我面试官明确提出她的文书非常精彩,对她印象深刻!)




  例:I made sound performance in academics, ending up withhigh scores of some required courses. [Top X%? in class or in department? whichyear? 这里的high很模糊,读者不清楚high指的是班里还是系里排名,Some课程具体指哪些课程?在哪一年?]写出来会不会一目了然,进而体现你的专业过硬?必修课有哪些只有自己清楚,录取委员很可能不会为了清楚了解这一点而去查你的成绩单必修课有哪些。做一个细心体贴的创作者。] 其实,文书中到处都会涉及到这些细节问题,你注意到了,你的文章也就更让真实可信,更有说服力。

  例:In your ** program, I can also widen my horizon andexpand my way of thinking, which will definitely help with solving cases,particularly foreign cases. [through doing what? HOW you will widen my horizonand expand my way of thinking? 这里句子中缺细节,表达的信息不够充分,有种说半句含半句的感觉,没有针对对方项目特色展开来说,对方不清楚你是否了解该项目,是否真心喜欢该校。所以,文书中注重客观事实很重要。]


    3. 独特的理念&文化


  例:The inspiring and exhilarating speech on theexpectation for the youth delivered by UN secretary general, Ban Ki-moon at******** University infected and touched me profoundly while I was learningthere as a visiting student. It remains fresh in my memory how he highlightedthat our young generation is supposed to be helpful global citizens, beingclosely concerned with the world’s problems, adjusting ourselves to new ideasand circumstances around us and trying to energetically seek solutionstogether. Here, I cannot help thinking of one of the passions of BertrandRussell-his unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. This great man’sgenuine and passionate love for people far and beyond thelinesinstilled in manythe outlook for a better world. Though neither can I bring remarkable changesto people in materials nor can I bring people something thought-provoking insoul, one thing is certain: I will keep making efforts to help others andachieve my life meaning in behavior, making a difference to others’ lives. Infact, I have already embarked on devoting my time to the public sector and willtry to continue in my lifelong career path. (这种结合自我经历,娓娓道来,更让人了解了你经历的同时也了解了你的思想。) 注:杨同学 MPP/MPA 录取院校:University of Chicago, Brown, USC, Cornell, NYU,Georgetown, University ofMaryland, University of Pittsburgh)

  而且,中国特色表达还有大而空的特点。这尤其在推荐信中注意!想想你中小学的老师评语,语言干练,抽象成套路。要知道那些评语是老师基于对你长期的观察和了解。但是对你一无所知的招生官读起这些大而空的表扬,会不会不相信?他们更喜欢通过一些实例或故事来亲身感受你的某些优秀特质。先考虑你希望在对方面前树立什么样的形象。 独立?个性?优秀?有想法?找好切入的角度后来安排你的故事。

  例:I’d like to focus on *****’s strong abilities ofinvestigation and analysis. Till now, I still clearly remembered that he onceserved as the team leader in Bird Appreciation Project (ecologic project) alongDongting Lake. He was absorbed in taking the soil samples, measuring soilspecies richness and making clear of the ecologic condition. And **** gave us awonderful presentation in the end. I think that the capable youth will alsoperform well in the future surveys or researches. (这个例子就很好。有理有据!这是张同学申请文书中的段落,被Emory University 本科统计录取)


  例:To pursue more in-depth biological knowledge, I enteredTongji University, Project 211 & 985 University granted by the governmentfunds to research in China. [What are Project 211 and 985? To a foreigner whomay not be familiar with China, it’s a bit confusing! 当你不确定如何准备传达特色词汇的信息时,推荐参照维基百科或业内惯用的表达方式会好些。这里需要提醒的是,中国博大精深的成语,歇后语,格言等在表达的时候一定要注意它真正的含义,尽量将涉及到的中国文化等做适当解释]




上一篇:留学申请信怎样吸引校方注意 下一篇:五个诀窍让你写好留学文书